I am sitting here at Chapter Arts in Cardiff and I can't believe we only have one week of our tour left to go! It has flown by, and it feels like only yesterday that I was writing about us opening our tour in less than a week...time flies when you're having fun, as they say....!!!
And I am. Having so much fun. It is hard work. It is hot. It is scary. So vulnerable. And I am really loving every moment of all of it. And the more I do it, the less scary it feels, the less vulnerable and the more empowering and restorative the show feels. It feels like we have created a show that takes me on a healing journey every time I perform it; each time I go through sharing it, I am reminded of how far I have come, how much I have dragged myself through, heaved myself out of, learnt how to accept and change. It's a beautiful feeling, I am grateful for. What an extraordinary opportunity I have created for myself and been given with this work and this tour. How many of us get to share ourselves in this way and be met so well! The audience feedback has been so re-afrriming and truly beautiful.
I imagine that bearing your soul on stage would be many peoples ideal of a living hell! And there have been times for me when it has felt particularly terrifying. And yet it is also quite possibly one of the most transformative experiences of my life thus far. To be seen in all of my messiness, pain, rage, anger and grief, and not only accepted but celebrated, thanked, validated, witnessed, heard, held, appreciated...that's some very powerful magic right there! It feels like I am really showing up for myself and very deeply seen. It is such an extraordinary experience, the impacts of which I feel will last forever within me. I am not the same person on the other side of cretaing this work. It has already changed me.