Earlier this year, I received the wonderful news that I had been awarded a Creative Steps Grant by the Arts Council Of Wales. And I'm not gonna lie, I was literally over the F**king moon! Funding = Support = Time = Possibility = Being Explorative = More Creativity! Woop!
As those of us working in the Arts know, getting funding at the moment is extraordinarily hard. So I was very grateful to the ACW for offering me this support, particularly as this funding is to help me develop myself, and my networks, as a Neurodivergent artist. Yay!
I am thrilled this funding exists, because being Neurodivergent, in a world that is set up for people who are Neurotypical, can be a real battle, to say the least. And it's been very validating for me, to be given some time, support and crucially some money, to help me take my next creative steps, whilst feeling supported and recognised, as a professional.
How To Start? Or How To Begin? Are questions I ask myself at the outset of any creative process, project or venture, because I am setting out on an adventure! And when setting off on an adventure, it can often be a good idea to check and see what you already have in your rucksack, or tool kit, that might be useful. And then from there, you can also work out what it is that you might need to acquire. You may for example realise, that you don't
know how to draw a Vulva....and that in order to begin this process, you must first learn.....
Why? We don't really know. Yet. We discover in the following of that impulse, or curiosity, or desire, a series of new questions, and these questions, become our beginning or start...
"How is it that two women, of our age, are not able to easily draw a Vulva!? How have we both lived, having one for this many years, without ever really knowing, what they look like, or how they are formed, anatomically, or what all of the parts are, actually called?"
And this is what my wonderful time with Mathilde Lopez taught me, and re-reminded me; That creativity is all about following intuitive impulses, questions or curiosities, and then allowing them to unfold and seeing where that unfolding takes and leads you to...
Creativity is not a rational act or a linnear process. It is the willingness to be in the now, in the unknown and to allow things to emerge. It the process of taking many paths, to see if any of them lead anywhere, or not. It's like trying on lots of different outfits, until you find one, that fits really well. It's the journey of seeing what arises, and to then leaning into it so that you can discover where it may take you, or not. At it;s best its about surrendering fully, to that journey. As professional artists it's rare that we are given the time or space to be able to do that, fully. Because usually there's a deadline or specific outcome required and the golas or achievement can slip in and dictate or heavily shape, what can, emerge.
And that's not always a bad thing, deadlines can be useful, structure is needed, and yet it is rare to have the space to simply play, explore, create, and learn from someone else what thier process is, how they work, or approach beginning working on something. The time to simply be in a space and explore what arises, and learn from someone else who is more experienced, as a mentor, is a vital and wonderful gift. And necessary, for growth.
Because in my 15 years experience working as a professional artist, what I do know and have learnt (which has been reignited in me during this time with Mathilde), is that we often have or find our most exciting ideas and or creations emerging, when there is the space and time, to simply play, be curious, explore what is there, and see where it takes us. And there is such a pleasure in this journey, that is at the absolute heart of what I love about being an artist and a theatre maker; Playing in the unknown, seeing what comes....
All to often as professionals, and specifically freelance artists, there is little or not time or recourse to be able to train, re-train, learn, discover, or up skill. Quite simply because it is so hard to make a living as a freelance artist that all your time and energy is very often spent trying to stay afloat. And in order to keep growing as a professional, expanding in your capacity, developing and learning, there must be opportunities for mentorship, for exploration, for confidence building, for developing new networks, ideas or relationships.
I had a truly wonderful time working with Mathilde as a mentor. I learnt a huge amount from her in the three days we spent together. I am a firm believer that the best way to learn from someone, is to work with them, experience how the create, direct, or shape something firsthand. I had a lot of fun and I feel excited for our next block of time, soon.
I was joyously re-rmeinded, that if you have the support of a great director, to be able to follow what's there, whole worlds can emerge, that we were not expecting to find. And so we ended up here, with a wonderful exploration of wearing a postal bag on my head, working out how to do domestic life chores, unable to see anything; a great challenge!
Why I hear you cry!? Well, because thats where we found ourselves...exploring the idea of the metaphiorcal, emotional, and phycological masks, faces or roles, that we feel we must wear, or adopt, as hetrosexual, 35 plus, cis women, in the world. It was illuminating!
And this is a very valuable creative lesson for me to be reminded off as an artist, that a clear plan and a structure are sometimes needed, and sometimes, we need to begin, by simply being open to playing with what emerges and then see where that can lead us to.
Thank you Mathilde, for this wonderful, challenging, fun, thought provoking, joyous and productive time exploring, learning, and diving a little deeper into our culture. It was an absolute pleasure to work with you as my metor and I am very excited for our next block.
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