top of page

I stumbled across this today...a film that was made as part of a past project. I am going to re-post it here as it still feels very relevant and like it chimes well with a lot that I am currently feeling and also reflecting on. How can we all move forwards, in better ways?

Updated: Aug 27

I have not written here for a while. My intention was to write during the last week of my tour, lol! Best laid plans and all that! It rwas quite the finale...with me having an intense tooth infection and us driving up and down the length of Wales, a few times! (Never let the artist book the tour...!). My extraordinary producer, Ceriann, did an amazing job of looking after me, and our whole team. She is quite the wizard! And with a good load of painkillers and some hard core antibiotics, I just about made my way through, to the end of my last show, which was back up near my home grounds, and full, of friendly faces...

There are no words that I can type, that can ever convey, what a vast and life changing process, making this work and sharing it with the world, has been, for me. It has been the most vulnerable and exposing, quite literally, courageous and challenging thing, that I have ever done. Standing naked, alone on a stage, was, in itself, a vast and very deeply confronting journey; it required so much digging into the depths, of myself. And then to speak, about some of my journey, of healing and recovery, required me to come face to face, with a lot of my past experiences, in new ways, and again, this required a vast and huge amount of digging deep, into myself, to find the strength, that lives, deep inside me.

Baring your soul on a stage is no easy thing to do! And, it is also the most beautiful act of self love that I have ever gifted to myself. To allow myself to be 'seen' by so many people, in all my messiness, in my rawness, in my anger, in my pain, in my rage, in my trying, and in my failing, in my frustration and in my fear, in my greif, in my joy, in my self celebration. I felt so held, witnessed, supported, validated, encouraged, and truly humbled. I changed.

By far the most incredible part of this journey, has been the people I have met, along the way; the amazing humans that I worked with, as part of my New Pathways Focus Group. The incredible staff at New Pathways who have supported me. All of the extraordinary artists and creatives who I have worked with to create this piece of work. And crucially, the audience members I met. Many of whom have lived through, unimaginable and vast levels of violence and suffering, and who came and sat with me, supported me and were courageous enough, to come and listen to me, share, some of my journey. They sat even though it brought up big things for them; to the audiences who came and sat with me, to all of you who have suffered in similar ways, worse and bigger ways. I see you. Thank you.

The other people and women I have met along the way to making this work, have gifted me so much. I am humbled by you, inspired by you, in awe of you, and I could not have stood up on this stage, and shared what I did, without you. This work has always been for myself, my healing, my younger selves, and it has also, always been, for all, of you, too.

Thank you for holding my hand, being at my back, standing at my side, cheering me on.

79 views0 comments

I am sitting here at Chapter Arts in Cardiff and I can't believe we only have one week of our tour left to go! It has flown by, and it feels like only yesterday that I was writing about us opening our tour in less than a week...time flies when you're having fun, as they say....!!!

And I am. Having so much fun. It is hard work. It is hot. It is scary. So vulnerable. And I am really loving every moment of all of it. And the more I do it, the less scary it feels, the less vulnerable and the more empowering and restorative the show feels. It feels like we have created a show that takes me on a healing journey every time I perform it; each time I go through sharing it, I am reminded of how far I have come, how much I have dragged myself through, heaved myself out of, learnt how to accept and change. It's a beautiful feeling, I am grateful for. What an extraordinary opportunity I have created for myself and been given with this work and this tour. How many of us get to share ourselves in this way and be met so well! The audience feedback has been so re-afrriming and truly beautiful.

I imagine that bearing your soul on stage would be many peoples ideal of a living hell! And there have been times for me when it has felt particularly terrifying. And yet it is also quite possibly one of the most transformative experiences of my life thus far. To be seen in all of my messiness, pain, rage, anger and grief, and not only accepted but celebrated, thanked, validated, witnessed, heard, held, appreciated...that's some very powerful magic right there! It feels like I am really showing up for myself and very deeply seen. It is such an extraordinary experience, the impacts of which I feel will last forever within me. I am not the same person on the other side of cretaing this work. It has already changed me.

15 views0 comments
bottom of page