Connection IS Creativity...

Images Below: Unity Festival Cardiff 2024 - Artist Exchange - Wales Millenium Centre

In the Spring of last year, I was awarded a Creative Steps Grant by the Arts Council Of Wales. The award was designed to help me to build and expand my creative network,

as a professional artist living and working here in Wales. In very practical terms this has meant that I have been able to afford to go and meet other artists, companies and other people, working in theatre buildings and arts venues, who can help me and support my continued growth and development as an artist. The money has also allowed me to go and watch work and meet the performers and people making it, to help to broaden my awareness of what work is currently being made here in Wales. Crucially this money has given me the means to feel better connected and less isolated as a freelance artist who is living and creating work in rural west Wales. It has also filled me and inspired my own practice by exposing me to watching other people's work. This is so critical as a maker, we can not create in isolation or without being fed by other people's creativity. As artists we require connection and inspiration to be able to generate new ideas and make work.

Images Below: Unity Festival - Street Theatre Acts & The House Of Deviant Drag Show!

As a freelance artist, it is incredibly difficult to continuously self motivate; to be your own boss, seek work, create work, attartc work, be the creator or your own work, put yourself out there and up for jobs, apply for funding, create and run your own workshops. To keep yourself going morally, creatively, financially, when you're not sure where the next work is going to come from, and or if it will come at all. It takes such a huge amount of deep inner strength, resilience, courage, willingness to take risks and lean into the unknown. It is also regularly demoralising emotionally as we are still not valued culturally or socially by many. Being an artist is still often seen as a 'cop out', not a 'proper job', or 'real career'.

Images Below: The Cardiff Burlesque Festival 2024 at Chapter Arts Theatre.

Yet being an artist, an actor, a performer, a writer, a director, a producer, a painter, a poet, a dancer, a musician, requires a level of dedication and commitment that few other jobs or careers will ever ask, or need from you. And in the current climate, more than ever in my lifetime, it has become an act of political and social defiance, to keep trying, to be​ a creative. With funding cuts left right and centre, curriculums being stripped of the arts, as none-necessary, low income benefits that previously helped artists in hard moments, no longer exist. Less venues and buildings, Youth Theatres closed, all over the place and less jobs, than ever before. So this is a particularly difficult time to be an artist, to say the least! And if you're now a freelance artist, without a salary, it is, really, really, hard work.

Images Below: Mid Powys Youth Theatre - Half Term Intensive Theatre Week 2024

This grant also enabled me to make some totally new connections with organisations who I had not previously encountered, and that in turn led to me getting some new work.

I was lucky enough to work with the MPYT for their half term week, facilitate and lead them through a devising process in which they created a new, original piece of work. I feel deeply privileged to be able to work with young people in this way, and also to be working with one of the Youth Theatres still going in this part of Wales. These spaces are utterly vital, crucial, for these young people and for their communities. A safe space for young people to express themselves, process their feelings and views on the world, be creative, expressive, take risks, push themselves out of their comfort zones and to grow.

The other people I have met thus far as a direct result of this award, have already really helped me; to feel more connected, to feel the very tangible presence of my wider community, as an artist here in rural wales. To know there are other people like me who are battling on, working incredibly hard, to ensure that the arts do not die here, that we do still have rural theatre, youth theatre, people making work and supporting the next generation of people who will make it, to flourish and grow. I already feel infinitely better informed than I was when I received the grant, and way more directly related to other spaces, artists, people, venues and organisations here in Wales, than I was, previously.

Being an artist, in the performing arts world requires so much energy, commitment and relentless passion, drive, tenacity, determination, self belief and beleif in the world. It is an extraordinary thing to chooswe to pursue for a lifetime, and an entirely vital part of sociierty, eductaion, culture, science, medicine, and even business. The arts feeds, it all.

I was really feeling the absence of more connection within my artistic community, when I applied for this award. As a neurodivergent artist, who has a lot of past trauma, and who struggles with ongoing mental health challenges; it is integral that I have communities and connections beyond myself, in other artists, companies, venues and organisations, that can help and support me, both as a human and an artist. So that I can make great work, contribute ideas, inspiration, creativity and can add value; to our artistic landscape.

Covid was difficult for everyone, in one way or another. And for those of us in the performing arts it was so tough because our entire industry ground to a halt. I had only just moved back to Wales 18 months before Covid hit. So I had not yet made many new connections, or built myself many relationships or artist communities here. It takes time, money and support. It was really wonderful to meet all of the people I have met thus far as part of this project. And particularly excellent to work as a director with these truly amazing young people, many of whom are also neurodivergent. Being able to practise our craft, whatever that is, be it directing, writing, performing, is so integral to us feeling able, confident and secure in the knowledge, that we have not forgotten how to do what we do. That it hasn't been lost in the years of not working, or working much less. To be able to rebuild that in ourselves, by having the support to get out there and do what we do; is so vital. I am deeply grateful for this award and the opportunities it has given to me.

Image Below: Who Killed Charlie Kirk? A political MTV takeover by MPYT 2024.

Creative Steps Are Being Taken!

Earlier this year, I received the wonderful news that I had been awarded a Creative Steps Grant by the Arts Council Of Wales. And I'm not gonna lie, I was literally over the F**king moon! Funding = Support = Time = Possibility = Being Explorative = More Creativity! Woop!

As those of us working in the Arts know, getting funding at the moment is extraordinarily hard. So I was very grateful to the ACW for offering me this support, particularly as this funding is to help me develop myself, and my networks, as a Neurodivergent artist. Yay!

I am thrilled this funding exists, because being Neurodivergent, in a world that is set up for people who are Neurotypical, can be a real battle, to say the least. And it's been very validating for me, to be given some time, support and crucially some money, to help me take my next creative steps, whilst feeling supported and recognised, as a professional.

How To Start? Or How To Begin? Are questions I ask myself at the outset of any creative process, project or venture, because I am setting out on an adventure! And when setting off on an adventure, it can often be a good idea to check and see what you already have in your rucksack, or tool kit, that might be useful. And then from there, you can also work out what it is that you might need to acquire. You may for example realise, that you don't

know how to draw a Vulva....and that in order to begin this process, you must first learn.....

Why? We don't really know. Yet. We discover in the following of that impulse, or curiosity, or desire, a series of new questions, and these questions, become our beginning or start...

"How is it that two women, of our age, are not able to easily draw a Vulva!? How have we both lived, having one for this many years, without ever really knowing, what they look like, or how they are formed, anatomically, or what all of the parts are, actually called?"

And this is what my wonderful time with Mathilde Lopez taught me, and re-reminded me; That creativity is all about following intuitive impulses, questions or curiosities, and then allowing them to unfold and seeing where that unfolding takes and leads you to...

Creativity is not a rational act or a linnear process. It is the willingness to be in the now, in the unknown and to allow things to emerge. It the process of taking many paths, to see if any of them lead anywhere, or not. It's like trying on lots of different outfits, until you find one, that fits really well. It's the journey of seeing what arises, and to then leaning into it so that you can discover where it may take you, or not. At it;s best its about surrendering fully, to that journey. As professional artists it's rare that we are given the time or space to be able to do that, fully. Because usually there's a deadline or specific outcome required and the golas or achievement can slip in and dictate or heavily shape, what can, emerge.

And that's not always a bad thing, deadlines can be useful, structure is needed, and yet it is rare to have the space to simply play, explore, create, and learn from someone else what thier process is, how they work, or approach beginning working on something. The time to simply be in a space and explore what arises, and learn from someone else who is more experienced, as a mentor, is a vital and wonderful gift. And necessary, for growth.

Because in my 15 years experience working as a professional artist, what I do know and have learnt (which has been reignited in me during this time with Mathilde), is that we often have or find our most exciting ideas and or creations emerging, when there is the space and time, to simply play, be curious, explore what is there, and see where it takes us. And there is such a pleasure in this journey, that is at the absolute heart of what I love about being an artist and a theatre maker; Playing in the unknown, seeing what comes....

All to often as professionals, and specifically freelance artists, there is little or not time or recourse to be able to train, re-train, learn, discover, or up skill. Quite simply because it is so hard to make a living as a freelance artist that all your time and energy is very often spent trying to stay afloat. And in order to keep growing as a professional, expanding in your capacity, developing and learning, there must be opportunities for mentorship, for exploration, for confidence building, for developing new networks, ideas or relationships.

I had a truly wonderful time working with Mathilde as a mentor. I learnt a huge amount from her in the three days we spent together. I am a firm believer that the best way to learn from someone, is to work with them, experience how the create, direct, or shape something firsthand. I had a lot of fun and I feel excited for our next block of time, soon.

I was joyously re-rmeinded, that if you have the support of a great director, to be able to follow what's there, whole worlds can emerge, that we were not expecting to find. And so we ended up here, with a wonderful exploration of wearing a postal bag on my head, working out how to do domestic life chores, unable to see anything; a great challenge!

Why I hear you cry!? Well, because thats where we found ourselves...exploring the idea of the metaphiorcal, emotional, and phycological masks, faces or roles, that we feel we must wear, or adopt, as hetrosexual, 35 plus, cis women, in the world. It was illuminating!

And this is a very valuable creative lesson for me to be reminded off as an artist, that a clear plan and a structure are sometimes needed, and sometimes, we need to begin, by simply being open to playing with what emerges and then see where that can lead us to.

Thank you Mathilde, for this wonderful, challenging, fun, thought provoking, joyous and productive time exploring, learning, and diving a little deeper into our culture. It was an absolute pleasure to work with you as my metor and I am very excited for our next block.

I Won An Award!

Almost this time last year (a year ago in September) I won an award!...(And then I entirely forgot to post what I wrote about it!). This is a somewhat classic move on my part, as I can get easily distracted by the next thing in life and or in my work. However, the show I won this award for, is not something I failed to complete, or got distracted by; Quite the opposite. The show I won this award for was almost a decade's worth of my hard work.

So it feels only fitting that this show would be worthy of some recognition. Because it's by far the hardest thing I have, and I feel fairly confident in saying ever will, create. This show was a bearing of my soul, heart and body. An extremely vulnerable, initially raw, messy, journey of a healing process, that was then shared, on stage with a live audience.

There are many varied opinions on what it is to 'use' our art for our 'own' healing. On who we 'should' be making our work for. Personally I subscribe to the belief that we make the work we have to make. Not neessarily the work we want to make, or need to make; the work that has to be made, because it won't let us be, until we have made it, shared it or given it the life, it's demnading that it must, recieve. This work is not rational in any way, it will not answer the question: "How is this for?" And if it were to answer, it would reply "It is for anyone, everyone, and noone, all at once." Simply, it must be made. Because it has a life force that needs to be followed. And then we, as the artist, are duty bound, to follow.

It will be my Birthday in a couple of months, and I am reflecting today on all that the last few years, and decade have brought to me and into my creative/artistic life....rather a lot!

This last decade has seen me transform myself and change my life in radical ways and it is easy sometimes to forget about that. To be so caught up in the present and or in processes of making peace with the past, that I forget to stop, and really look at, how far I have come. It's funny in a way to win an award for a show that is about my healing and recovery journey from sexual and domestic violence. Strange that these life changing experiences in my past have become a space for celebration, in my present. And that also feels very fitting. To receive some recognition for still being here and making the work I am making. And in fact I feel that everyone who has been through the kind of journey I have, (am also still on and will always be on), deserves a f**king award just for managing to get out of bed, and make any kind of attempt to continue with their lives.

Because this is the real act of innovation; finding a way, anyway, to keep going, with your life. And I suppose that is what the heart and driving force behind this work is; that we don't know what people have been through, or what it can take a person, what it costs them, what they have given, to be able to find and fight their back up, off the floor again.

And within our culture, we are often fixated on the events themselves or the ignoring of them, because they are too uncomfortable. And in reality, for many of us, what comes after, is often much harder, or at the very least as hard. One act of violence can take decades to heal. And we don't often give cultural recognition or validation to those journeys of huge and unwavering strength, determination, passion and the will; To Live.