I have not written here for a while. My intention was to write during the last week of my tour, lol! Best laid plans and all that! It rwas quite the finale...with me having an intense tooth infection and us driving up and down the length of Wales, a few times! (Never let the artist book the tour...!). My extraordinary producer, Ceriann, did an amazing job of looking after me, and our whole team. She is quite the wizard! And with a good load of painkillers and some hard core antibiotics, I just about made my way through, to the end of my last show, which was back up near my home grounds, and full, of friendly faces...
There are no words that I can type, that can ever convey, what a vast and life changing process, making this work and sharing it with the world, has been, for me. It has been the most vulnerable and exposing, quite literally, courageous and challenging thing, that I have ever done. Standing naked, alone on a stage, was, in itself, a vast and very deeply confronting journey; it required so much digging into the depths, of myself. And then to speak, about some of my journey, of healing and recovery, required me to come face to face, with a lot of my past experiences, in new ways, and again, this required a vast and huge amount of digging deep, into myself, to find the strength, that lives, deep inside me.
Baring your soul on a stage is no easy thing to do! And, it is also the most beautiful act of self love that I have ever gifted to myself. To allow myself to be 'seen' by so many people, in all my messiness, in my rawness, in my anger, in my pain, in my rage, in my trying, and in my failing, in my frustration and in my fear, in my greif, in my joy, in my self celebration. I felt so held, witnessed, supported, validated, encouraged, and truly humbled. I changed.
By far the most incredible part of this journey, has been the people I have met, along the way; the amazing humans that I worked with, as part of my New Pathways Focus Group. The incredible staff at New Pathways who have supported me. All of the extraordinary artists and creatives who I have worked with to create this piece of work. And crucially, the audience members I met. Many of whom have lived through, unimaginable and vast levels of violence and suffering, and who came and sat with me, supported me and were courageous enough, to come and listen to me, share, some of my journey. They sat even though it brought up big things for them; to the audiences who came and sat with me, to all of you who have suffered in similar ways, worse and bigger ways. I see you. Thank you.
The other people and women I have met along the way to making this work, have gifted me so much. I am humbled by you, inspired by you, in awe of you, and I could not have stood up on this stage, and shared what I did, without you. This work has always been for myself, my healing, my younger selves, and it has also, always been, for all, of you, too.
Thank you for holding my hand, being at my back, standing at my side, cheering me on.
